Two little girls sitting attentively in their grade five class, hair parted and woven to the same side, school uniform exact same length, exact same brown leather sandals and white socks. They are almost a mere image of each other, although they aren't twins or even blood relative but they are best friends. These two little girls were my best friend, Talia and I. Back then we were know as twins amoung our friends, teachers and family. It was practically an impossible occurrence to hear her name uttered without mine next to it or vice versa.
Talia and I went to the same elementary school in Nigeria. She was the popular, peppy and bouncy girl all the teachers and students knew. I was the shy, awkward and gentle best friend who was popular by default. I got invited to birthday parties because everyone knew if you invited her, I also had to be invited. Talia and I, were a packaged deal, one did not come without the other. Talia and I did absolutely everything together, we hung out at the country club together, we studied together, learnt the multiplication table together. It seemed like the only time we didn't spend together was when we were sleeping at our own homes, because half the time we would be at each other's house on extended sleepovers. Looking back now, I don't believe back then and growing up that I ever met another set of best friends as close as we were.
However, the strength of our friendship was tested at the end of grade five. During the break after our grade five year my family went on vacation to visit my aunt in Canada, or so I thought. My little nine year old self was made to be under the impression that we only going to be gone for a couple of weeks but a couple of weeks has become eleven years. To me the move was sudden and unexpected and I was in now way prepared to be thousands of kilometers away from Talia.
My first couple of years in Canada were filled with tears . I would repeatedly cry myself to sleep night after night because of the sadness I felt from missing Talia and my family back in Nigeria. There was the numerous phone calls to Nigeria to speak with Talia. As we both grew older, worlds apart, the phone calls became less frequent, filled by awkward silences and the same five questions asked in a monotonous tone. The distance was taking a toll, still deep in my heart I would wish that someday somehow the impossible would happen. Our friendship would grow strong again.
And few more years, the phone calls were never made. I went on with my life thinking of Talia less and less each passing day. I started Junior High and then eventually High School, my life becoming increasingly hectic with ballet classes, Jazz classes and piano classes. Talia, would occasionally come to mind in the nighttime right before bed. I would wonder where she was, how she was doing and how school was going. As this was a period before popular social networking sites such as facebook I had no connection to Talia, all I knew was she was in boarding school. Our lives seem so different now, here I was in Canada going to school and there she was all the way in Nigeria in boarding school.
As the years grew, every time I would think of Talia the memories were less detailed and real, seeming almost like a story I was fabricating in my mind. I would fight it still wishing that someday we would see each other again. Slowing I stopped reminiscing, stopped hoping, stopped wishing, I began to let go.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
September 29th and Running Out of Time
September 29th is my mom's birthday and this blog was intended to be written on that day. But as we all know life happens and here we are four months later. For my mother's birthday this year we celebrated with family, my aunts,uncles and cousins. This year was a little different. Usually we celebrate just the two of us. As you might have sensed by now I am my mother's only child. A title accompanied by both privileges and heavy burdens. If I lose my way, if I fail or if I become a disappointment my mother has no other child to turn to to say, "at least one of them ended up ok". It is as if my failures or mistakes are equally hers as she has put all she is and has into raising me.
I love my mother with every cell in my body. She is my rock. It sounds like a cliche as many daughters will say these exact words. However, I am proud to utter these cliches because I feel privileged to have these feelings about my mother. Unlike some who will call their mother their best friend, mine is far from. My mother is not my friend, she is mother, a strong and at times harsh disciplinarian. Despite this, despite the nagging, despite the yelling I love her to death.
For the entire duration of this coming summer I will be away from home, making me feel like I I'm leaving my mother behind. My heart fills with excitement, fear and sadness every time I think about the summer. I am extremely excited to be away from home, away from my mother; yet simultaneously I feel sad, like I am abandoning her in Edmonton. For most of my life all my mother and I have had has been each other. I almost feel equally as responsible for her as she is for me. And my moving away for the summer signals the beginning of the end of this seemingly co-dependent relationship.
"We are running out of time," my mother said to me a couple of months ago and with these very words my heart broke a little, tears welled up in my eyes. She was right, I can't live at home forever, I can't be my mom's everything forever. In the midst of my increasingly busy schedule, filled with school, work, volunteering...etc, this comment was a cry out from my her. A cry for me to pencil her in. It is interesting how one minute our parents are the enitre world to us and the next we are struggling to find every opportunity to escape their presence.
This past September my mother turned fifty-three, I am sure she wouldn't be too happy that I mentioned her age. As the years pass and as we both grow older and older, I can't help my mind from wondering, thinking and fearing the inevitable. I can't even bring myself to type the five letter word that culminates the end of life. What am I going to do? I often think to myself as I struggle to imagine a world without her presence. "We are running out of time," I remembered.
I love my mother with every cell in my body. She is my rock. It sounds like a cliche as many daughters will say these exact words. However, I am proud to utter these cliches because I feel privileged to have these feelings about my mother. Unlike some who will call their mother their best friend, mine is far from. My mother is not my friend, she is mother, a strong and at times harsh disciplinarian. Despite this, despite the nagging, despite the yelling I love her to death.
For the entire duration of this coming summer I will be away from home, making me feel like I I'm leaving my mother behind. My heart fills with excitement, fear and sadness every time I think about the summer. I am extremely excited to be away from home, away from my mother; yet simultaneously I feel sad, like I am abandoning her in Edmonton. For most of my life all my mother and I have had has been each other. I almost feel equally as responsible for her as she is for me. And my moving away for the summer signals the beginning of the end of this seemingly co-dependent relationship.
"We are running out of time," my mother said to me a couple of months ago and with these very words my heart broke a little, tears welled up in my eyes. She was right, I can't live at home forever, I can't be my mom's everything forever. In the midst of my increasingly busy schedule, filled with school, work, volunteering...etc, this comment was a cry out from my her. A cry for me to pencil her in. It is interesting how one minute our parents are the enitre world to us and the next we are struggling to find every opportunity to escape their presence.
This past September my mother turned fifty-three, I am sure she wouldn't be too happy that I mentioned her age. As the years pass and as we both grow older and older, I can't help my mind from wondering, thinking and fearing the inevitable. I can't even bring myself to type the five letter word that culminates the end of life. What am I going to do? I often think to myself as I struggle to imagine a world without her presence. "We are running out of time," I remembered.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Quick Reflection on the Year 2010
As the new year approaches we all can't help but reflect on our experiences in the past year. We ponder what lies ahead in the new year, praying, hoping, wishing that it is far better than the last. Upon reflecting on my 2010 experience I came up with a list of the things I am thankful for.
I am thankful for my mother, whose support and love carries me through each trying day
I am thankful for my father, whose presence in my life makes difference
I am thankful for my 2010 summer school exchange to France
I am thankful for the U of A ladies I met on the exchange
I am thankful for my best friend, her presence has enriched my life more than I could ever imagine
I am thankful for surviving a terrible car accident in the summer of 2010
I am thankful for the privilege of having a new car
I am thankful for my health
I am thankful for my trip to LA during summer 2010
I am thankful for my job, the learning experiences it allows
It is funny how the years fly by, day after day, week after week, month after month and at the end of each year we find ourselves in the exact same place. Reflecting on the year gone by. 2010 was the most interesting year I have had thus far; It was filled with personal growth, tears, laughter and much more. I remember the days spent traveling the world, the days spent alone in my room and the days spent with the ones I love. I can only pray and hope that 2011will be filled with as much of the joy, laughter and even tears that made 2010 a success.
I am thankful for my mother, whose support and love carries me through each trying day
I am thankful for my father, whose presence in my life makes difference
I am thankful for my 2010 summer school exchange to France
I am thankful for the U of A ladies I met on the exchange
I am thankful for my best friend, her presence has enriched my life more than I could ever imagine
I am thankful for surviving a terrible car accident in the summer of 2010
I am thankful for the privilege of having a new car
I am thankful for my health
I am thankful for my trip to LA during summer 2010
I am thankful for my job, the learning experiences it allows
It is funny how the years fly by, day after day, week after week, month after month and at the end of each year we find ourselves in the exact same place. Reflecting on the year gone by. 2010 was the most interesting year I have had thus far; It was filled with personal growth, tears, laughter and much more. I remember the days spent traveling the world, the days spent alone in my room and the days spent with the ones I love. I can only pray and hope that 2011will be filled with as much of the joy, laughter and even tears that made 2010 a success.
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