Star Corssed Friends; A lost friendship

Two little girls sitting attentively in their grade five class, hair parted and woven to the same side, school uniform exact same length, exact same brown leather sandals and white socks. They are almost a mere image of each other, although they aren't twins or even blood relative but they are best friends. These two little girls were my best friend, Talia and I. Back then we were know as twins amoung our friends, teachers and family. It was practically an impossible occurrence to hear her name uttered without mine next to it or vice versa.

Talia and I went to the same elementary school in Nigeria. She was the popular, peppy and bouncy girl all the teachers and students knew. I was the shy, awkward and gentle best friend who was popular by default. I got invited to birthday parties because everyone knew if you invited her, I also had to be invited. Talia and I, were a packaged deal, one did not come without the other. Talia and I did absolutely everything together, we hung out at the country club together, we studied together, learnt the multiplication table together. It seemed like the only time we didn't spend together was when we were sleeping at our own homes, because half the time we would be at each other's house on extended sleepovers. Looking back now, I don't believe back then and growing up that I ever met another set of best friends as close as we were.                                                    

However, the strength of our friendship was tested at the end of grade five. During the break after our grade five year my family went on vacation to visit my aunt in Canada, or so I thought. My little nine year old self was made to be under the impression that we only going to be gone for a couple of weeks but a couple of weeks has become eleven years. To me the move was sudden and unexpected and I was in now way prepared to be thousands of kilometers away from Talia.

My first couple of years in Canada were filled with tears . I would repeatedly cry myself to sleep night after night because of the sadness I felt from missing Talia and my family back in Nigeria. There was the numerous phone calls to Nigeria to speak with Talia. As we both grew older, worlds apart, the phone calls became less frequent, filled by awkward silences and the same five questions asked in a monotonous tone. The distance was taking a toll, still deep in my heart I would wish that someday somehow the impossible would happen. Our friendship would grow strong again.

And few more years, the phone calls were never made.  I went on with my life thinking of Talia less and less each passing day. I started Junior High and then eventually High School, my life becoming increasingly hectic with ballet classes, Jazz classes and piano classes. Talia, would occasionally come to mind in the nighttime right before bed. I would wonder where she was, how she was doing and how school was going. As this was a period before popular social networking sites such as facebook I had no connection to Talia, all I knew was she was in boarding school. Our lives seem so different now, here I was in Canada going to school and there she was all the way in Nigeria in boarding school.

As the years grew, every time I would think of Talia the memories were less detailed and real, seeming almost like a story I was fabricating in my mind. I would fight it still wishing that someday we would see each other again. Slowing I stopped reminiscing, stopped hoping, stopped wishing, I began to let go.

September 29th and Running Out of Time

September 29th is my mom's birthday and this blog was intended to be written on that day. But as we all know life happens and here we are four months later. For my mother's birthday this year we celebrated with family, my aunts,uncles and cousins. This year was a little different. Usually we celebrate just the two of us. As you might have sensed by now I am my mother's only child. A title accompanied by both privileges and heavy burdens. If I lose my way, if I fail or if I become a disappointment my mother has no other child to turn to to say, "at least one of them ended up ok". It is as if my failures or mistakes are equally hers as she has put all she is and has into raising me.

I love my mother with every cell in my body. She is my rock. It sounds like a cliche as many daughters will say these exact words. However, I am proud to utter these cliches because I feel privileged to have these feelings about my mother. Unlike some who will call their mother their best friend, mine is far from. My mother is not my friend, she is mother, a strong and at times harsh disciplinarian. Despite this, despite the nagging, despite the yelling I love her to death.

For the entire duration of this coming summer I will be away from home, making me feel like I I'm leaving my mother behind. My heart fills with excitement, fear and sadness every time I think about the summer. I am extremely excited to be away from home, away from my mother; yet simultaneously I feel sad, like I am abandoning her in Edmonton. For most of my life all my mother and I have had has been each other. I almost feel equally as responsible for her as she is for me. And my moving away for the summer signals the beginning of the end of this seemingly co-dependent relationship.

"We are running out of time," my mother said to me a couple of months ago and with these very words my heart broke a little, tears welled up in my eyes. She was right, I can't live at home forever, I can't be my mom's everything forever. In the midst of my increasingly busy schedule, filled with school, work, volunteering...etc, this comment was a cry out from my her. A cry for me to pencil her in. It is interesting how one minute our parents are the enitre world to us and the next we are struggling to find every opportunity to escape their presence.
This past September my mother turned fifty-three, I am sure she wouldn't be too happy that I mentioned her age. As the years pass and as we both grow older and older, I can't help my mind from wondering, thinking and fearing the inevitable. I can't even bring myself to type the five letter word that culminates the end of life. What am I going to do? I often think to myself as I struggle to imagine a world without her presence. "We are running out of time,"  I remembered.

A Quick Reflection on the Year 2010

As the new year approaches we all can't help but reflect on our experiences in the past year. We ponder what lies ahead in the new year, praying, hoping, wishing that it is far better than the last. Upon reflecting on my 2010 experience I came up with a list of the things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my mother, whose support and love carries me through each trying day
I am thankful for my father, whose presence in my life makes difference
I am thankful for my 2010 summer school exchange to France
I am thankful for the U of A ladies I met on the exchange
I am thankful for my best friend, her presence has enriched my life more than I could ever imagine
I am thankful for surviving a terrible car accident in the summer of 2010
I am thankful for the privilege of having a new car
I am thankful for my health
I am thankful for my trip to LA during summer 2010
I am thankful for my job, the learning experiences it allows

It is funny how the years fly by, day after day, week after week, month after month and at the end of each year we find ourselves in the exact same place. Reflecting on the year gone by. 2010 was the most interesting year I have had thus far; It was filled with personal growth, tears, laughter and much more. I remember the days spent traveling the world, the days spent alone in my room and the days spent with the ones I love. I can only pray and hope that 2011will be filled with as much of the joy, laughter and even tears that made 2010 a success.

Lady Gaga, Symbol of Feminism?

It is clearly late, perhaps past midnight Lady Gaga and her girls exit a limousine, black keyboard in hand and dressed to kill. She is sporting futuristic sunglasses and an 80s inspired fluorescent pink jacket. Her and her girls walk into a house party that seems to have already ended with individuals sprawled across the entire house. Her friends turn on a boom box, everyone awakens and the party starts all over again. This was the opening scene of Lady Gaga's debut single, "Just Dance". The single catapulted Lady Gaga onto the world stage.Although, very catchy there was nothing extra special about it. The video, ridden with scenes of  Gaga dressed in scantily clad clothing, aggressively thrusting her pelvis and dancing in sexually explicit ways was nothing I hadn't seen before. Just the same old generic music and video about partying, getting intoxicated and dancing till you drop. Well that was 2008 and now in 2010 some suggest Lady Gaga is a new symbol of feminism.

Jessica Valenti, a feminist writer and blogger recently insinuated Gaga could be seen as "a new model of feminism" because of her performance of sexuality and power.She also mentioned Gaga speaking out against misogynist and homophobic lyrics by other artists as an aiding factor. To be honest before reading the article and listening to the interview, I would never have put feminism and Lady Gaga in the same sentence. Over the years since her first debut Gaga has gone through an enormous transformation from the generic pop singer of "Just Dance" to the controversial icon and symbol she is today.  Elements of her video still remain the same, the same pelvis thrusting, the same sexually suggestive moves and the same extreme clothing or lack there of. However, now its all done with a little more pizazz, emphasis and confidence. Many of her videos now have underlying themes that comment about society in general. One such video is her "Bad Romance" video, in which Gaga is kidnapped and sold to a Russian mafia. Gaga describes the video as showing "how the entertainment industry can, in a metaphorical way, simulate human trafficking--products being sold, the woman perceived as a commodity."

Gaga has become more confident in her interviews much like her videos have become bolder. In comparing some of her earliest interviews to some recent ones it is interesting to see her evident change in demeanor. She in now more self assured, choosing to speak out again misogynist and homophobic lyrics. In an interview with Barbara Walters she emphasizes the fact that her music is made especially for the so called "freaks" like her out there. She says, I "try to be a teacher to my young fans who feel just like I felt when I was younger, I felt like a freak. I guess what I'm trying to say is I wanna liberate them, I wanna free them of their fears and let them know they can create their own space in the world." Evidently, Gaga has a lot to say through her music and art. I commend her for the "messages" she puts out. It is about time that someone does something radically different in the entertainment industry. However, I don't think I would go as far as to call her a "new symbol of feminism". She is a powerful woman "in charge" of her sexuality in her videos, she has spoken out again misogyny and  she has made a few statements here and there about the double standards between men and women especially concerning sexuality. This is all well and good but I don't think that this is all it takes to become a new symbol of feminism. This is not to say I have a checklist of necessary actions and attributes but what I do know is when I think of Lady Gaga, I certainly don't think of  a champion of women's rights.



Thomson-DeVaux, Amelia. "Is Lady Gaga A feminist Icon." Care2. Jan 2010. Web. 4 Nov 2010.
 http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/is-lady-gaga-a-feminist-icon/

"Speed Networking"

Ten to twelve students huddled attentively around a speaker, hanging on his every word. What do you suppose is going on? Well, these students are networking. And I am most likely one of them.  Over the years I have found myself hearing the words "networking" and "network" more frequently. Everywhere I go I am bombarded with messages of strengthening my social, professional and global networks. This is especially true in the business community, where at times everything seems to depend on who you know. As a business student, I have sat in many classrooms where networking has been the subject of discussion. These discussions are more like lectures about the vital importance of building a strong network, which will ultimately further  my or any student's career.


For myself the idea of networking has been taken to a whole new inconceivable level because of the rigorous job search process I face as a cooperative education student. The process involves going to information sessions and  "networking" events held to help students connect to prestigious employers. I like to think of these events as being synonymous to speed dating. You try to gather as much information about the person or company as possible in the short span of time, while also trying desperately to leave a favorable impression. You are speed networking.  At these events networking takes on a somewhat aggressive meaning due to the incredibly low ratio of about 40 company personnel to 350 students. It is not uncommon to find ten to twelve students crowded around one company personnel, who is going on incessantly about how company XYZ is the perfect place to build a career. Students listen eagerly while waiting for the opportunity to say something absolutely brilliant or ask the genius question they've prepared for days. All this in hopes of leaving a memorable impression.Students endure many of hours of small talk to person after person asking the same rehearsed questions,collecting business cards and acting interested as they hear the same generic answers in the same dull and uncharismatic tone. When one conversation ends, another begins with the same old process of showing interest, saying a brilliant comment and hopefully leaving a favorable impression. However, there are a few times where students do end up talking to some very interesting people, whose eyes glimmer with passion as they talk about their jobs. Though rare, it is these people who make the "networking" process bearable and at times enjoyable. After each networking event comes the internal struggle within every student of whether or not to take networking to the next step by emailing the company personnel they've met. This process of "speed networking" although very tiresome and not very effective in teaching students how to build actual networks, is a kick start in the creation of a student's professional and global network. As students collect business card after business card, they all pile up as memorabilia of the event's they've attended ,as a measure of their "networking" skills and as a measure of the network they could possibly have in the future.

Looking at Familiar things in an Unfamiliar Way

Looking at familiar things in a unfamiliar way to gain new perspective is something I don't do very often. I find not many people actually practice this.When I am around something and become accustomed to it, I don't pay much attention to it otherwise. For example Hub mall. I have walked up and down the narrow paths of this mall hundreds of times since 2008, my first year at the University of Alberta. Back and forth from the lrt to class and class back to the lrt, but most of the time I can honestly say I am in my own little bubble. Too tired to care about what is happening around me, to angry or frustrated because of a midterm I just wrote or even just too excited to go meet up with friends. Today, however I sat in the Rutherford Lounge of hub mall for about forty minutes or so, hoping something interesting would catch my eye. Honestly, nothing distinct popped at me. I can say however, that I did notice more of the colorful personalized windows of the hub mall apartments. Rows of bottles lined up against windows, a Canadian flag hung up in an act of patriotism and posters of favorite movies like the Inglorious Bastards. I also noticed a girl on her phone walking towards me. There is obviously nothing special about this, but the girl was different because unlike most people calmly having conversations on their phones, she was absolutely frantic and visibly upset.Her voice elevated, arms flailing with passionate expression. You could tell she was adamant about making her point to the person on the other end. As she walked towards me all I could picture was a boy just as frustrated and adamant the other end of the line. The passion with which she was arguing seemed like that reserved for a quarrel between lovers. And as she  finally passed by me still arguing vehemently all I could think was that hopefully her efforts and passion results in a desired resolution.

Another thing that caught my eye and would any other living and breathing human being walking through hub was the reporter and camera man stopping people for interviews. As people walked by, the reporter would approach them with a question but even from a distance you could feel the apprehension and tension in the student's demeanour. As is the reality of Today most people are scared of saying anything on camera or being recorded because of such phenomenons as the internet, facebook and possibility of going viral. One of the students who stopped to get interviewed was a former high school classmate of mine. It is interesting to see people you haven't seen in a long time, they are familiar faces that have become unfamiliar overtime. It parallels seeing familiar things in an unfamiliar way. He looks pretty much the same but with an unfamiliar aura of maturity around him. You could say the scruffy beard he now has could easily be the reason. I haven't talked to him in years but our paths do occasionally cross in the o so familiar hub mall.

Today nothing too exciting caught my attention but tomorrow I'll be sure to keep my eye out for more of the unfamiliar.

Summer is coming!

"Winter is coming" are the exact words you hear echoing with a hint of fear in my household at this time of year. Sometimes, you might even hear these words starting mid August. For me the approach of winter actually alters my mood, making me less of my happy go lucky self. I consciously, have to make an effort to reset my mood and stop the horrible weather from depressing me. As is obvious by now winter for me and most of my family is a dreaded time of year that just seems to always drag on incessantly. The incredibly dark mornings, bitterly cold days, the slippery roads and sidewalks are all things I never look forward to. I most especially hate the multiple layers I am forced to wear underneath my down filled jacket.  Having to then haul my jacket around everywhere while indoors makes an already dire situation worse.

I distinctly remember my first winter in Canada. I was about 9 years old when my mom and I moved here from Nigeria, a country in western Africa. We arrived in Edmonton is July and in trying to prepare us for what we would soon face in coming months, family and friends would often tell us stories of blizzards, forty below days, mountains of snow and frost bitten cheeks. I actually thought by hearing these stories I was mentally preparing myself for what was soon to come. I would often stick my hands in the freezer just to get a taste of "winter". Once winter finally arrived, I became well aware that no amount of physical, emotional or any type of preparation can actually equip you for its bone chilling ways. The drastic change from a humid equatorial climate to the dry arctic weather of Edmonton was like no other. 

My first winter was the first time I had even seen snow apart from the movies. When I did finally see it in person I remember thinking how beautiful the white crystal flakes were.The day of the first snow fall, my cousins took me outside to make snow angels. I had a wonderful time jumping and dancing in the snow but the amusement and delight of my first snowfall and winter has long faded. I haven't made a snow angel since.In fact now during the winter months I will rarely be found outside. However, an outdoor winter experience I will never forget was my elementary school field trip to Rabbit Hill for sking and snowboarding lessons. At the trip I decided to try skiing as I was told by many that it was much easier. I was enrolled in the beginner class and I very much enjoyed it. I remember clumsily skiing down the bunny hill and then climbing back up to do it all over again. I did this for several hours gaining a little more confidence with each run. I then met up with my friends who were very much more experienced. Wanting to spend time with me that day, they suggested I go up the big hill with them. "It's easy don't worry" they repeated several times after noticing the petrified look on my face. Before I knew it, I found myself sitting on the chair lift half way up the big hill with my heart racing like never before. When we reached the top of the hill I wobbled off the chair lift with skies awkwardly crossed. At the very top, I scanned the area looking out and down to the very bottom and all of a sudden my mouth dried out with fear. In that very moment, I knew there was absolutely no way I could ski down that hill. My friends looked over at me and with the look on my face they also knew that I wasn't making it down the hill on skis. After minutes of just sitting at the top of the hill pondering what to do next, it was decided, I would slide down the hill on my bum. And this I did. Two of my friends each carried one of my skis as they rode comfortably down the hill like veterans.The trip down the hill seemed to take ages and when I finally arrived at the bottom I was overwhelmed with relief. The relief of finally being on solid ground. That horrid experience on skis, is one I often look back at now and laugh. Till this day I have never touched a pair of skis however I did adopt snowboarding for a while during my years in junior high and high school.

I can honestly say I detest winter with a passion but I have come to realize that at the end of the day, the sun will rise and summer will arrive. As the mornings grow colder and the days grow darker with winter's approach I cope by continuously repeating to myself,  "summer is coming".